Addicted to Almost

Being young and craving the feeling of being loved or loving someone is something we all yearn for at some point, though for me i've never been that person until i got a little taste of being loved by someone. it literally flipped my entire. fucking. world. which sounds ridiculous i know but that feeling of wanting to do absolutely anything for someone, to want to genuinely have a future with them is so comforting, and i found no matter how long we apart, not talking arguing or even being blocked, all i find myself doing is thinking about is them. wanting to do literally anything to get closer to them.

over the past year i've found myself hopelessly falling for someone who likes to choose when they want me, putting me through hell, constantly playing with my feelings, being blocked and unblocked, making me feel guilty for little pointless things just to have someone to blame it on. but i still find myself going back to them any chance i get, will this ever end? the amount of times i've tried to stay away but somehow they find a way into my life, reminding me of everything, reminding me how good it was to be with them. i don't know the last time i have gone a day without thinking of them, they take over my whole body, i stay up thinking of them, i urge myself not to reach out, to not beg them to talk to me like they used to before everything went wrong. i look for them everywhere i go just for the chance of them being there.

though the feeling of not having them in my life makes me physically sick, i leave myself thinking of how much more us keeping in contact after everything will hurt us, is it better to see it through? do i still have a chance? will leaving now end up helping the both of us in the long run? could i really have a future with them? are the feelings i'm really feeling love? did he mean everything he said? did IIIIII mean everything i said?

my emotions are too raw to consider all of these, time heals everything right??